Assertive Communication

We explain what assertive communication is, its characteristics and types. Also, its techniques, examples and advantages of this type of communication.

What is assertive communication?

Assertive communication It is one in which the speaker can express his or her ideas, opinions and feelings in a clear and simple way, respecting the rights and ideas of others.. The ability to communicate assertively allows people to express everything they want in a message that adapts to the context. Therefore, it matters not only what is said, but how it is said, in what place and at what time.

Assertive communication takes into consideration elements of verbal communicationthat is, everything related to language, but also aspects of non-verbal communicationsuch as tone of voice, speech rhythm, and body expressions.

This skill is very useful in different spheres of a person's life, such as in the family, educational and work environments.

See also: Communication

Characteristics of assertive communication

Assertive communication is characterized by the following:

• Expressiveness. The speaker expresses his feelings, opinions, thoughts, interests, preferences, tastes, values, requests and beliefs.
• Effectiveness. The speaker communicates his ideas in a clear, precise, brief and direct way, that is, he produces a message that does not generate interpretation confusion.
• Respect and empathy. The speaker communicates everything he feels and thinks, but being empathetic with the listener and respecting his ideas and feelings.
• Reciprocity. Participants exchange information in a dialogue, listen to each other attentively and do not interrupt each other. Monologue or indifference towards the other should be avoided.
• Adaptation to the context. Communication occurs in a specific context, that is, a place and time suitable for the listener to receive the message.
• Security. The speaker expresses his ideas expressing self-confidence and without showing anxiety or fear, since he is sure of what he communicates.
• Frankness. The speaker communicates messages that he considers true, since he speaks honestly.

See also: Interpersonal communication

Types of assertive communication

Assertive communication occurs through two forms: verbal communication and non-verbal communication.

Verbal communication

Verbal communication is that which occurs with words. In the case of assertive communication, the verbal message must be regulated through the correct choice of terms. For example, when an employee talks to his boss, he should use polite formulas and refer to him formally.

Non-verbal communication

Non-verbal communication has to do with the aspects that surround language during the communicative act and that affect it, but that are not carried out with words. Some of its most notable elements are:

• The body posture. An upright posture generates confidence in the interlocutor and conveys interest and sincerity. Looking at the other when speaking is key to this.
• The gesture. The gestures with which the verbal message is accompanied can play in its favor (reinforcing or accompanying what is said) or against (transmitting the opposite of what is said).
• The joint. The way words are pronounced, the cadence of the sentence and the tone of voice greatly affect communication.

See also: Types of communication

Techniques to develop assertive communication

Some techniques to develop assertive communication are:

• The broken record or repetitive assertion. It is about repeating, with the same tone and cadence, a message that was not received ideally, without encouraging confrontations. In some cases, the original message can be paraphrased, so that the listener reconsiders it. For example, when in a phone call with a sales agent a customer says two or three times: “No, I don't need that product.”
• The fog bank. You agree with the other person in a discussion or debate in a kind way. In some cases, a participant may state that he or she does not agree, but respects the other's opinion. For example, when a person says, “You may be right.”
• The assertive question. Instead of highlighting a defect or making a reproach, the question is asked of what is missing or how the situation can be improved. For example, when in an office one person asks another: “How can I help you finish your work on time?”
• floating tension. Every time the other person says something that you don't agree with or that bothers you, you ignore that part of the message and focus your attention on the rest. For example, one of the participants does not respond to the other's complaint, but responds to a request.
• Communication from the self. It is always preferable to state ideas from subjectivity than to affirm them as absolute truths or indicating that the other made a mistake. For example, it is better to say “I disagree” rather than “You are wrong.”
• The assertive agreement or viable commitment. An agreement is reached between two or more people, but respecting different opinions. For example, when two managers accept their differences in order to solve a company problem.

See also: Assertiveness

Examples of assertive communication

Some examples to illustrate assertive communication are:

1. An angry customer makes a claim at the bank. The bank teller carefully chooses how he conveys his ideas so as not to further frustrate the customer: he takes his side, listens to his complaint carefully and seriously, and adds small accompanying phrases that let the customer know that he is there to help him. solve the problem.
2. A man wants to propose to his girlfriend. He is not sure of the response he will receive, so he plans the proposal taking into account her tastes and what is the best time and place to do it.
3. An employee wants to make a correction to a group project. He plans well what he will say and how, and then looks for the right moment. Start by pointing out all the good parts of the project and then indicate which ones you think can be improved, without criticizing the work of your colleagues.
4. A seller wants a customer to hire another service. The salesperson politely explains to the customer why the service offered is the most convenient, attentive to their doubts and concerns, and responds as they arise.
5. A spectator of a play asks others to be silent. He briefly, respectfully and politely asks them to be silent, without attacking or imposing anything, but through a polite request.

Benefits of assertive communication

Implementing assertive communication has a series of benefits:

• People learn to say what they think and feel in a simple way and taking into account the emotions of others.
• Interpersonal ties improve, because people are more sincere and respectful, they treat each other better and can listen to and understand others.
• It is easier to achieve agreements and consensus with others.
• Solutions to problems are found in less time.
• Group work improves in different areas, such as sports, education and work.
• People trust themselves and others more, and feel less stressed in difficult situations.
• Different social skills, such as socialization, negotiation and collaboration, are better developed.
• The rights of those who speak and those who hear are guaranteed, because their opinions, emotions and beliefs are valued.
• People know themselves better, because they must reflect on what they feel and think.
• People can get to know those around them better because they actively listen to them.

Differences between assertive, aggressive and passive communication

Assertive communication differs from passive communication and aggressive communication.

In passive communication, the person does not express their ideas and feelings because they are afraid to speak, especially when their opinions are different from those of the interlocutor. Furthermore, they do not usually defend their rights, they send confusing messages with few words and often in a low tone, they try to avoid conflict and always respect others.

In aggressive communication, the person expresses their ideas and feelings in a conflictive way and without respecting or taking into account the opinions of others. Additionally, he or she delivers clear, high-pitched messages and does not strive to reach agreement or avoid arguments.

Example 1
Situation	A restaurant customer receives cold food.
Assertive communication	The customer tells the waiter in a friendly tone: “Excuse me, sir, the food arrived cold. Could I ask them to change it, please?”
Passive communication	The customer does not ask for the dish to be changed and eats it cold.
Aggressive communication	The customer says in a raised tone: “It can't be that the food is like this. Bring me another plate right now.”

Example 2
Situation	A customer has to negotiate a price with a shipping company. catering.
Assertive communication	The customer says to the sales manager: “If we pay in full in one installment, can you consider making a discount?”
Passive communication	The client prefers not to negotiate and accepts the price indicated by the company.
Aggressive communication	The client complains: “The prices are very high. Either they let them down or we don't hire them.”

Example 3
Situation	Two people are trying to reach an agreement for the rental contract of a store.
Assertive communication	The tenant tells the landlord, “I think we could extend the rental period for the same price.”
Passive communication	The tenant accepts everything the owner says.
Aggressive communication	The tenant tells the owner: “For that price, you should extend the contract for a few months.”

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References

• Avendaño Ortiz, HK (2014). Assertive communication as a competitive advantage. Nueva Granada Military University, Faculty of Distance Studies.
• Corrales Pérez, A., Quijano León, NK and Góngora Coronado, EA (2017). Empathy, assertive communication and following rules. A program to develop life skills. Teaching and Research in Psychology, 22(1), 58-65.
• Lesmes Silva, AK, Barrientos-Monsalve, EJ and Cordero Díaz, MC (2020). Assertive communication, business competitiveness strategy? AiBi Research, Administration and Engineering Magazine, 8(1), 147-153.
• Monje Mayorca, V., Camacho Camacho, M., Trujillo, ER and Artunduaga, LC (2009). Influence of teachers' assertive communication styles on school learning. Psychopeople, 12(21), 78-95.