We explain what self-love is and what its relationship is with self-esteem. Also, different techniques to have more self-love.
What is self love?
When we talk about self-love, we refer to degree of acceptance, respect and consideration that we feel for ourselves. It is a concept very similar to that of self-esteem, considered essential for the emotional and psychological health of human beings.
In general, self-love is understood as the result of various processes of introspection and acceptance at deep levels, that is, as the result of knowing and loving yourself without needing to change one's own nature to satisfy others; something that, on the other hand, cannot really be done either.
We must not, however, confuse self-love with ego. Loving oneself does not imply denying one's own limitations, nor thinking oneself more than others, but rather accepting one's own way of being, knowing that our negative aspects will require work and our positive aspects will require consolidation, but that just as we are, we simply , are.
A proud, envious, arrogant or self-centered person does not necessarily have great self-love; Quite the opposite often happens, people with a low capacity for self-acceptance take refuge in hostile attitudes towards others, since they consider that any role of others constitutes a threat to them.
See also: Intrapersonal communication
Self-love and self-esteem
The difference between self-esteem and self-love is subtle, and very often ignored. Both terms are often used synonymously.
However, for many specialists, self-love implies a deeper and more honest dynamic, and therefore difficult to achieve, while self-esteem is a more superficial sense of worth that we perceive regarding ourselves, and which is influenced not only by our own considerations, but also by the acceptance of others and “success” in its different conceptualizations.
In any case, this difference can be understood if we think that today there are many “express” paths to self-esteem, such as massive acceptance on social networks, or consumerist and materialistic satisfaction, which can artificially raise an individual's self-esteem, but Not so his self-love.
So, It is possible to have little self-love and a lot of self-esteem but it is impossible for this to happen the other way around, since people with self-love also experience good self-esteem, being able to accept themselves as they are.
How to have more self-love?
There is no single, universal recipe to improve self-love, because like many other aspects of our personality, it depends on our upbringing and our emotional history. However, there is a certain consensus regarding methods and techniques that can help rebuild self-love, such as:
- self-knowledge. It is impossible to love and accept yourself if you do not know yourself first. To do this, we can start a psychotherapeutic procedure (with a psychologist or psychoanalyst) or we can also undertake the practice of meditation and mindfulness (to be able to observe ourselves better).
- Take time. Self-care, whether it involves bodily hygiene and aesthetics, or the fulfillment of basic mental needs, is an important habit, both a symptom and a solution to self-love problems. Prioritizing our needs will make us value ourselves more and accept those things that we must do for ourselves.
- Review our personal relationships. This may mean moving away from toxic or harmful relationships, which take away more than they give us, or on the contrary, leaving home more and trying to meet more people, or diversify our circle of friends. In any case, we must give interpersonal relationships the value they deserve as a source of acceptance and positive reinforcement.
- Practice gratitude. Forgiving yourself and accepting what you have experienced may sound like a self-help recipe, but it is a key practice to heal and overcome our setbacks in life. What's the point of carrying guilt or regrets that prevent us from enjoying our present? The ideal is to learn our lessons – that is, learn what we are like and what we should pay attention to in our character – and move forward, knowing that we are no better or worse than anyone else.
Continue with: Strengths of a person
References
- “Self-esteem” on Wikipedia.
- “What is self-love and how to build it” by Catalina Gallo Rojas in El País (Colombia).
- “Self-love vs. self-esteem” in social acupuncture.
- “Self-love” (video) by Sofía Castro in TED Talk.
