We explain what assertiveness is and what being assertive means. Also, its definition according to the RAE and what assertive communication is.
What is assertiveness?
When we talk about assertiveness, we generally refer to a communicative model that seeks an ideal balance between aggressive and passive communication posturesto maintain a frank, equitable and respectful process of information exchange.
This means that assertive communication is a way of dealing with others, of saying what you want and of managing your own emotionality to achieve efficient and beneficial communication for everyone.
Assertiveness is based on the idea that every individual has his or her own inherent rights that must be respected, which naturally includes the issuer. According to this, there are two types of traditional communication models:
- Aggressive model. One who contemplates one's own rights very well, but very little those of the other. It is a selfish, narcissistic model that usually attacks others or verbally violates them to impose communication. It tends to be exhausting for everyone involved and damages interpersonal relationships.
- Passive model. He who submits to the designs of others, considering their rights well but very poorly his own. This model can be seen as “backless,” timid or hesitant, and usually proves ineffective or ambiguous, often leading to an aggressive model later to compensate.
In this way, assertiveness proposes an intermediate path between aggressiveness and passivity, based more on reason, the spoken word and frank communicationwithout giving in to the emotions of the moment, but without denying or undervaluing them. To achieve this, a communication model is proposed focused on facts and not on considerations, on the expression of feelings and not on aggression.
See also: Interpersonal communication
Be assertive
assertiveness It was initially understood as a personality traitwhich meant that some have it and others simply don't. That doesn't mean it can't be developed. Later, however, it was determined that this was not the case: the same person could be assertive in some situations and not in others, depending.
This is because assertiveness is linked to self-esteem, maturity and other components of personality that influence the way we communicate and the place we give to ourselves. And these factors are not always the same nor do they operate the same.
Assertiveness according to the RAE
The dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy defines assertiveness as a “quality of assertiveness”, that is, “Affirmative” or “Saying of a person: who defends his opinion firmly”.
From there it seems to follow that assertiveness It has to do with the ability to state clearly and firmly what has to be said, to enjoy the respect of others, without violating the interlocutors, but also without submitting to them.
Assertive communication
Some recommendations to develop assertive communication are the following:
- Maintain eye contact. When we talk to someone and look at them carefully, not in an aggressive or invasive way, but simply by making them understand that we are interested in what they say, we demonstrate and generate interest, which feeds back our communicative expectations, since at the same time we feel included and part of what was communicated.
- Maintain an open body posture. Arms crossed on the chest, rigid or distant gestures will sabotage communication, as they are non-verbal ways of showing disinterest or rejection in the other. The same thing happens when we are transmitters: an open body posture will invite the other to listen, while a closed one will immediately discourage them.
- Have objectives when communicating. Knowing what you want to say is the best prior step to communicating, since if we do not know what we want to achieve, it will be much more difficult for us to convey it, and we may wander, lose the thread or hesitate when speaking. .
- Balance communication. This involves being aware of how much time we talk and how much time we listen to the other, so as not to be passive or overwhelming.
- Modulate the voice. Maintaining an audible tone of voice, but not shouting, pronouncing completely and correctly instead of quickly and without modulating, are key strategies so that the other is interested in listening to us, can do so effectively and, in the process, gives us a significant amount of attention, which It will positively feed back our desire to be active (or be less active, in the case of aggressive people) within the communication process.
- Don't give in to emotions. Instead of complaining or reproaching, or worse yet, insulting, it would always be better to describe the situation that occurred and what it made us feel, and then go directly to what we want so that it is not repeated. In this way we guarantee that the other knows what we want, what happened and does not get involved in defending themselves from a sudden attack.
